


I will always return

by Captainmintyfresh



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Abby Returns, Family Feels, M/M, Pining, eddies pov
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 03:23:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21246683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captainmintyfresh/pseuds/Captainmintyfresh
Summary: Abby comes backCanon divergence post 3x03





	I will always return

“Really? You really think you know my sons likes and dislikes better than I do?” Eddie asked, hopping out of the car. He walked around the side of it, approaching the passenger side door. Buck leant out the window, a grin on his face as his arms rested on the ledge. 

“No man. Of course not.” He started. “I’m saying I _ know _Christopher’s likes and dislikes better than you.” Eddie ripped the door open fast enough to leave Buck flailing as his leaning post was torn away from him. Eddie snorted out a laugh as Buck’s seatbelt caught him before he could tumble onto the pavement. He mimicked Buck’s earlier position, arms resting on the rolled-down window frame as he peered at Buck dangling uselessly by his seat belt.

“You wanna rethink that?” He hummed. Buck fought himself out of his seatbelt, sliding out of the car.

“There’s nothing to rethink, I’m right.” Buck drawled, slamming the door closed. Eddie knew if anyone else had said it he would have hated them. Would have had his hackles rising and answered with a bitter snap, not with the bark of laughter and exasperated eye roll that he gave Buck. But it was Buck and really even though Buck was wrong he was probably the only person in the world who could reasonably challenge Eddie in Christopher's knowledge. Even his Abuelita didn’t seem to know as much about Christopher as Buck anymore. She knew everything she needed to know and more of course but it was the little things that Buck knew.

The things like how Christopher would only watch Lady and the Tramp if they were having spaghetti for dinner. Or how he wore socks to bed because they were ‘toe blankets’.

The weird little things that you found out by being there every single day. 

“But if you’re gonna kick up such a fuss about it just get both and then we can see which Christopher prefers.” Buck said.

“I’m not getting both when I know I’m right.”

“Then disappoint him, it’s fine. I’m sure he’ll forgive you.”

“Oh fuck you.” Eddie cackled. “I’m right! Chris likes potstickers!”

“I’m not saying he doesn’t like them I’m saying he _ prefers _wontons.”

“He prefers potstickers!” Eddie snapped.

“Yeah sure he does” Buck scoffed. Eddie scrambled in his pocket for his phone. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” 

“Really, you’re gonna call him?”

“Oh I’m gonna call him.” Eddie said.

“Then call him. Let him tell you how much he loves wontons.” 

“He’s gonna tell me how he loves wontons almost as much as he loves potstickers.”

“Think you got that the wrong way round.” 

“Guess we’ll find out.” Eddie hummed, quickly dialing the number and setting it on speaker.

“I’m gonna win.” Buck sung.

“Fuc-” The ringing stopped, Eddie’s word died off in a strangled mewl. “Hey Carla” He choked out, praying she didn’t hear him cursing Buck out. “Could you put Christopher on the phone for second?”

“Of course.” Carla said, the line rattled for a moment. “Okay, you’re on speaker.”

“Hey Christopher.”

“Hi Dad.” Christopher called back.

“Hey buddy, you being good for Carla?” Buck asked. 

“Yes.” Chrisopher said

“He’s always good.” Carla snorted. “It’s you two I have trouble with.”

“Hey-” Buck protested weakly. Christopher’s laugh rang out through the phone bringing a smile onto Eddie’s face.

“Hey Dad.” Christopher said, once his giggles had subsided.

“Yeah?”

“Are you two going to be home soon?” Christopher asked.

“Yeah, we’re on our way back now but we thought since we’re so late we’d stop off and get some Chinese, have a late dinner.” It had actually been the plan ever since they’d gotten a call five minutes before they were due to clock out earlier. Eddie had called Carla from the firetruck begging her to give him something small so that they could make up for missing most of the evening with take-out. “That sound good?”

“Yeah! I love Chinese.”

“Great. Well, we were just wondering-”

“What would you prefer, wontons or potstickers?” Buck blurted. 

“Can I have spring rolls?” Eddie’s head snapped to meet Buck’s gaze, brow furrowed.

“What?” The two said in tandem.

“Can I have spring rolls?” Christopher repeated. “They’re my favorite.” Eddie blinked down at his phone.

“Oh.. Yeah, of course, buddy.”

“Thank you.”

“What about you Carla, you want anything?”

“Honey that’s very sweet but all I want is my bed.” Carla hummed.

“Right yeah, Sorry. Look we’re just ordering and then we’ll be home.” Buck said sheepishly.

“Sorry we’re so late. There was a-” Eddie started.

“An emergency.” Carla finished for him. “It’s okay.”

“Thanks Carla.”

“We’ll see you soon.” Buck promised. Eddie hung up.

“So now I’m thinking about it-” Eddie said slipping his phone back into his pocket as his other hand scratched idly at his cheek, embarrassment creeping over him. “Christopher might not have ever said that potstickers are his favorite.”

“Let me guess, they’re your favorite.”

“I thought he liked them! It’s not like I-”

“Why do you think I always get wontons?” Buck said, Eddie let out a low laugh, Buck grinned back at him. “We’re terrible people” 

“No, we’re not. We’re just shitty parents.” Eddie said. His brain screeched to a halt the moment the sentence finished. Eyes snapping to Buck ready for the denial, for the look of horror, for the ‘I’m not his parent’. Instead he found Buck’s lips still tipped in a smile, a smile that seemed to be getting softer by the second sending Eddie’s heart aflutter.

He could feel heat ebbing into his cheeks and the treacherous beating of butterfly wings in his stomach. He turned away, letting his eyes be drawn to the night sky by the distant rumble of an airplane overhead. He cleared his throat.

“You wanna head in and order? I’ll lock up.” He said, words coming out as more of an order than a suggestion. For a moment Buck was quiet.

“Yeah man.” he said after a few seconds too many of silence, his shoulder brushed Eddie’s as he walked away. 

Eddie’s gaze followed the airplane’s soft blinking lights amongst the inky mix of purple and orange that the LA nights turned the heavens, resisting the urge to watch Buck walk away, to pull him back. To admit that calling him Christopher’s parent wasn’t a slip of the tongue but the truth, at least to Eddie. 

A sigh passed his lips as he squinted against the too-bright sky. He could remember looking up at skies that were deep black and infinite: skies that had stars dotted across the otherwise bleak expanses like flecks of silver.

Christopher would love them, he thought. He’d always enjoyed looking at the stars. Asking how they were there and why and how far away, leaving Eddie lying through his teeth. Next holiday he could take him camping, somewhere far enough out of the city to see the rivers of stars that swam in the unpolluted sky. He was sure Buck would love it too, they could-

Eddie span to face the car slapping his head against the roof with a soft clank as a groan ripped out of his throat.

He was meant to be getting the idea of him and Buck as a parental unit out of his head. Not planning a pseudo-family vacation. 

For a minute he let the cold of the metal deep into his forehead as if he could freeze the thoughts out of his head but, when he only continued to think about having s’mores at a campfire with Buck and Christopher he had to concede defeat.

Pushing away from the car Eddie made quick work of locking up the doors and closing the window before he followed the mouth-watering scents of Chinese food wafting from the store. He held the door for a man exiting the shop, a diaper bag beneath one arm as he talked in a fast whisper into the phone pressed between his shoulder and cheek, before he stepped in, leaving the man hovering just outside. 

The door closed behind him, cutting out the fast whispers as Eddie swept his eyes over the shop for Buck. He stopped, no more than a meter into the doorway as he spotted him, arms tucked into his chest as he roared and pranced through the shop with chopstick fangs extending from beneath his lips.

A sleepy giggle of laughter drew his attention from Buck as he spotted the toddler tucked snuggly in her pushchair watching Buck’s every move even as her head seemed to droop as the late hour caught up with her. Eddie let his gaze shift back to Buck, smiling so big at the toddler one of the chopsticks threatened to fall out of his mouth.

He loved him.

It wasn’t the first time he’d thought it, hell, it wasn’t even the hundredth time but it hit him with the same winding impact nonetheless. Sucking the air from his lungs and leaving him choking on nothing as the words sunk deep into his chest, swirling in his veins and screamed inside him.

_ I love him _

He loved the way his face lit up as he smiled at the toddler, he loved that he was carefree enough to be a fully grown man standing in a Chinese restaurant pretending to be a velociraptor for the entertainment of a stranger's child. 

He loved that despite the childish glee and immature moments Buck was fond of there was still no one Eddie trusted more, because when push came to shove and the world was collapsing around them Buck was every bit the superhero Christopher liked to think of him as.

Not in that he didn’t get hurt, because he did. Buck, unfortunately, was painfully human. He bruised and he bled and at times he would break but after everything, after earthquakes and ladder trucks and tsunamis, he still got back up. He still pushed on and fought every day to protect people. 

Mostly though, Eddie just loved being with him. He loved that even during the worst days at the station Buck could draw a smile out of him. He loved that when they went home at the end of shifts he’d feel his heart swelling in his chest as Buck played with Christopher. That he’d brag about making Christopher laugh so hard milk came out of his nose to everyone at the station the next day and be excited to do it again that night.

Eddie knew how it looked from the outside, how when they turned up to Christopher's parents’ evenings people would assume. He knew that when he’d leave the station bickering with Buck about what was for dinner the others would whisper and raise their eyebrows.

He knew, partly because he heard them but mostly because he saw it too. Felt it whenever Buck would bound over after a shift talking about how they should take Christopher out to the zoo on their next day off, or when he’d walk in to find Christopher and Buck snoring on the couch.

He knew when Buck would look at him and smile.

And sometimes, sometimes it felt like Buck knew too, felt like he wanted too. Like maybe it wasn’t just him who was selfish enough to have a voice in his head whispering _ I want more _

Because he did, want more. He wanted everything. Wanted to be able to press a kiss into Buck’s hairline when he found him asleep on the couch after a long day. Wanted to be able to catch his hand in his own as they walked out of the station. He wanted to stop saying goodbye to Buck at the end of the night, wanted to say ‘Let’s go to bed’ instead of standing on the doorstep with his palms sweating and his tongue feeling a few sizes too big for his mouth as he forced himself not to beg Buck to stay.

And more than anything he wanted Buck to want it too, he wanted Buck to want to stay. Wished that Buck was one day going to blurt it out, or that maybe he wished Eddie would do it for him. 

He’d thought about it. Thought about letting the words finally pass his lips, recently the idea of telling him seemed to have permanent residence in his head. The words had been turned over so many times in his tongue, that he was sure that by now they would be like a well-loved book, coffee stained and frayed at the edges to the point that he could never pretend that it was a new thought, that when he finally did say them Buck would know just how many times he’d bitten them back.

He’d been waiting for the right time, for a quiet moment in between the fast-paced chaos of their lives. Had been waiting for what felt like forever.

He felt the words on the tip of his tongue once again. It was ridiculous. It wasn’t the perfect time, or even a good time. not when they were both still covered in soot and sweat and smelt like ashtrays, not when Buck had chopsticks stuck in his mouth like fangs and seemed more interested in entertaining the toddler sleepily blinking at him from her pram than Eddie himself, but, it never felt like the right time.

There was always some excuse to keep him from letting the words slip out past his lips.

At first, he’d told himself it was nothing, a passing crush and when the days had turned to months and the feelings remained he’d told himself that it was too soon. That he couldn’t do it again, not after Shannon; couldn’t put himself out there and lose a friend, especially not for what was probably just a rebound. 

And when he’d stopped being able to blame his inaction on himself he used Christopher. Told himself that trying to introduce Christopher to the idea of him dating someone else after his Mom’s death would be too big a change. That bringing someone into their lives in that capacity just wasn’t fair, that Christopher wouldn’t want it.

The excuse would work for most people, would work if it wasn’t Buck he was talking about because Eddie knew that Buck had already joined the family and Christopher had welcomed him with open arms. 

It was why he could argue with Eddie about Christopher’s likes and dislikes, why he could take Christopher out when Eddie was fast asleep leaving little more than a text to explain where they were. Why he was one of the few people approved to pick up Christopher from school. 

Buck was already family in everything but name. 

There would always be a reason not to, Eddie was sure he could tell himself no until the day he died if he really wanted to. 

But God, he loved him and though there were a million reasons not to, the single possibility of Buck feeling the same way was enough to make the no’s seem obsolete

“Buck-” His name came out with enough of a croak that Buck’s attention was snatched away from the baby instantly, his eyes settling on Eddie, brow furrowed in worry even as the chopsticks still poked out beneath his lips. Eddie licked his lips, sucking in a breath.

It would be fine, he told himself. Even if Buck didn’t feel the same way, it was Buck, he wasn’t the kind of person who’d sneer at him, he wouldn’t rub the rejection in his face or cut Eddie out. 

Worst case scenario, Buck rejects him and then at least he knows that he doesn’t have a chance, at least the butterflies twirling in his stomach until he felt nauseous every time buck was around would finally settle. At least he could start moving on. His heart cantered in his chest, he was sure Buck would be able to see it beating, that it was powerful enough to set his t-shirt fluttering along with his chest. “I um-” the butterflies in his stomach launched into his throat, wings sending the words scattering on the wind, whispering out of his mouth in unintelligible breaths.

Eddie swallowed and tried again. “Buck I-”

“Buck?” Buck’s head snapped away from Eddie like a meerkat hearing danger at the unfamiliar voice. Eddie watched as the blood seemed to drain from Buck’s face, skin paling as he gaped over Eddie’s shoulder.

“Avvy?” Buck slurred, one chopstick tumbled from beneath his lip, clattering against the floor between them. The blood rushed back into Buck’s cheeks in a sudden wave, painting them a pretty pink as he yanked the remaining chopstick out. Eyes wide on the person behind Eddie. “Abby?” He repeated.

_ No, _Eddie thought, horrified. He turned slowly. Ice pierced his veins as he looked at the woman a few feet from him. She was beautiful even with the heavy bags beneath her eyes and tangles in her hair, a beauty that only grew as the dumbstruck look on her face transformed into a breathy smile that Eddie had seen in photos when he’d first joined the 118 as Buck had flashed his phone under his face proudly proclaiming that his girlfriend was traveling the world. 

“Hi Buck.” She said, voice silky smooth.

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thank you to Kit for helping me <3


End file.
